Illinois Lawmaker Wants To Put Your Super Bowl Squares In A Box

As we’re now mere weeks away from the Super Bowl, allow the team here at Casino Reports to remind you that you are almost certainly going to break the law before the big game.

Here’s a fun “did ya know?”: Super Bowl squares are illegal in 37 states. It doesn’t matter whether someone is making a profit from running the pool, it doesn’t matter whether you’re doing it at your office or in your living room — if you’re putting money in the pot, you’re breaking the law.

In fact, according to an American Gaming Association study, Oregon and Louisiana are the only two states where the law is unclear — so you’re probably OK there. Texas and Alabama allow for “friendly wagers” (where the person running the pool makes no money) at a private residence, and seven other states allow for limited play outside of a family residence, again all with the “friendly wager” addendum.

One of the 37 states where it’s illegal to engage in Super Bowl boxes is Illinois, but if one lawmaker has his way, the fine people of the Prairie State will be able to safely invest their money in Super Bowl squares without fear of Johnny Law breaking down their front door and tearing their 18×24 piece of oak tag paper to smithereens.

Only hitch: It’s about the dumbest law anyone could come up with to govern Super Bowl squares. It’s turning the single most innocent form of gambling — and something that the AGA figures about 36.5 million Americans did last year — into a government money-making scheme.

Money, money, money

The bill is called the Social Gaming Act, and was introduced by Rep. John M. Cabello. It would allow Super Bowl squares, but only at existing establishments that are already licensed for video gaming. It would charge board manufacturers a $5,000 licensing fee, distributors a $1,000 licensing fee, and gaming locations a $50 yearly fee. It would also cap the max payout at $1,199.

Obviously, this is made to be a cash grab for the state, which is fine, that’s what states do, but trying to corral Super Bowl squares into an income stream just seems … well, again, dumb.

Seriously: If this bill passes, will the entire Illinois State Police force be assigned to Super Bowl square patrol? This would be the most boring episode of Law & Order ever. How in the world would this prevent anyone from running a pool?

Short answer: It obviously wouldn’t. 

Although … Super Bowl square operators have been busted in the past. It happened in Pennsylvania a few years ago. Then there was a New York guy who got arrested for taking 10% off the top, and another New Yorker was arrested after — get this — faking his own kidnapping in an effort to abscond with Super Bowl square money, which, for the record, would make for a heck of a Law & Order episode. Someone call Dick Wolf.

And states routinely issue warnings reminding citizens that they would be breaking the law by participating in Super Bowl box pools.

So yes. This is where we are as a nation. We’ve apparently solved all our other problems, and now we can — at least in Illinois — get down to the real business of making sure nobody can have any fun, ever.

You know what would be a better law, Rep. Cabello? Decriminalizing Super Bowl squares. As long as no one is making a profit on the operation, how about letting Americans throw $5 into the pot without the potential of lawyers needing to get involved.